Community referral information for survivors

Sexual relationships are sometimes hard to talk about even when things are going great. There are times when a person may feel harmed or distressed by someone’s actions and don’t feel that they know how to discuss what happened and how it has impacted them. Also, you may have experienced sexual abuse as a child and now, as an adult, feel the time is right to talk with the person that harmed you. Project Restore exists to help the people affected to have those difficult conversations in a supported, safe and confidential way.

Coming forward to talk about harm that has happened to you is courageous but can be very hard. It can bring up a lot of feelings that may have been buried for a while or ones that you can’t seem to get past. Anger, guilt, shame, fear, confusion and frustration are all very common. Just remember that what you’re feeling is normal and shouldn’t be judged by what someone else might be feeling or what you think you should be feeling.

Woman standing on bench looking over city

Reasons survivors may have come to us as a community referral

You may not have wanted to report for a variety of reasons, and that’s okay, for example, you don’t want to go to court, feel that you might not be believed or it’s a family member.

The police or court system may not have had enough to proceed with a charge or felt that going through a court case might have caused you more harm than good.

It happened a very long time ago.

A therapist, counsellor or helping agency thought that this might be the route for you.

You weren’t ready at the time that the incident was going through the courts.

What happens when we receive your referral?

A Survivor Specialist will sit down with you and talk about what harm happened and how you have been impacted by this. You will work together to figure out what you might want to get out of a restorative justice process and what that would look like for you.
The Survivor Specialist will go over options with you that could potentially bring about the outcomes that you want. It is important to keep in mind that this is a voluntary process and the person who caused you harm needs to be willing to engage with Project Restore.

We encourage you to bring a support person to this meeting if possible so that we can discuss what you might need from them and what that would look like. This may be a friend, family member, counsellor or anyone that you feel is supportive to you.

Some outcomes that are common for survivors to want

Getting questions answered – why was this done to me? What was the other person thinking at the time that made this okay in their mind?

Wanting the other person to understand the impact their behaviour has had on you.

Wanting to define future contact – what if we have family events together? What if we end up in the same place (like a restaurant, party etc.)?

Wanting to agree to a plan for this to never happen to someone else.

Just being heard.

Taking control over your way forward.

Every person is different and what you might want out of this process may differ from someone else, so it is important to understand you and your needs.

Further information about the process

If your experience hasn’t been reported to the police or there is no Summary of Facts, you will have to speak about the harm. We don’t need full details, but we do need enough to see if the accounts are close enough to be able to find some common ground to begin a conversation with the person that has harmed you.

If you have a way of contacting the person that caused the harm, then we would work with you on a way to safely invite them to engage in the process. As the process is voluntary, we can only go ahead if they agree to this.

If the person who has caused harm agrees then we would set up an appointment with one of our Accountability Specialists to meet with them and assess the level of responsibility they are taking. Through their participation, we want to make sure they can meet the needs that you have identified.

Once we have talked to both parties, we can come back to you and realistically talk about how your needs might be met and if going through the process would be beneficial to you. One of the core principles of Project Restore is that our process is survivor driven so that you have a voice and can make informed decisions. We try to be as transparent as possible. We want to make sure that you don’t experience further harm.

The Survivor Specialist and Accountability Specialist will work with both of you, individually, to make sure that you are held through the process and that everyone is working towards the same goal – good outcomes for you. We also have a Facilitator that will work with both of you alongside the Specialists to ensure that your needs stay in the centre of the process and that it is structured and fair.

There are several different ways to have a conference: face–to–face, a panel, a shuttle process. Don’t worry, your Specialist will talk you through options and guide you through them to help figure out what is best for you. We will only go ahead with the conference if all parties involved are ready and willing to do so.

At any time you, or the person who may have caused the harm, can withdraw. We, as a team, may also decide that we can’t go forward safely or get what you need. This is not a reflection on anyone involved, as this is a difficult process and can bring up a lot of stuff that people aren’t ready to deal with or face.

FAQs

How long will the process take?

We work with both parties to prepare them for an RJ process and to ensure we fully understand what a successful outcome would look like.   This will vary case by case, and with the people involved regarding their journey and preparedness to progress between assessment and preparation stages through to Conference.

I want to do Restorative Justice. I don’t know if the other party will do it. Can we proceed? 

Participation is voluntary all the way through the process so if either party declines or no longer wishes to participate then the process will end. If Project Restore team members decide that the process is no longer appropriate or safe, they can also slow down, pause, or halt a process.

How soon can we start? 

This will depend on how soon we receive a referral, and the supporting information needed so that we are able to clinically review the referral before beginning the process. We also take into consideration our team’s availability.  However, we expect to begin contact within two weeks of receiving all the referral information.

I want to engage in Restorative Justice, but I don’t know where the other party is or how to contact them, can you help? 

We do require both parties to be involved in a Restorative Justice process, therefore we will need to have contact details for both parties to begin to assess the case. Project Restore is not able to locate or contact the other party directly due to privacy law. The Survivor Specialist will talk with you about the options for communicating with the other party once their contact details are known.

I would prefer not to have a support person – why do I have to have one?

This ensures there is support in place for all parties involved during and following the restorative justice process. This is part of our model and the Ministry of Justice Standards. If you do not wish to have a support person involved, we are not able to proceed. This makes sure that the people within your circle or community know how to support you going forward.

My partner or whānau has been affected by this too. Can they be part of this?

This will be part of the assessment that the Survivor Specialist does with you in the beginning to find out what you need. A large part of the conference is helping the person who may have harmed you to understand the impacts of their actions. You can discuss with your Specialist who might be part of a conference and the roles that they might play.