Community referral information for people who have caused harm

Sexual relationships are sometimes hard to talk about even when things are going great. There are times though when a person may feel harmed or distressed by someone’s actions, whether as a child or an adult, and don’t feel that they know how to discuss what happened and how it impacted on them. Project Restore exists to help the people affected to have those difficult conversations in a supported, safe and confidential way

Restorative practices are about understanding each other’s perspectives and we hope to be able to provide this to all involved in the process. As a restorative practice provider, Project Restore is closely linked with the Ministry of Justice, and much of the content on this website details the work that we do within the court system.

However, when a person who has felt harmed reaches out for support from Project Restore, outside of the police/court system, our process looks significantly different and is tailored to meet individual needs.

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How the process works

To begin the process, the survivor may reach out to you with a confidential letter. It may come as a surprise to receive such a letter as you may be unaware of the harm the other person has experienced.

This letter may contain some brief information from the person who has initiated the referral, such as what they are hoping for from this process, and an invitation to contact one of our Specialists to learn more about Project Restore and discuss the invitation in more detail.

In situations where there has been no formal police investigation, Project Restore will only proceed with the restorative justice process when it has been assessed as safe and appropriate to do so.

Project Restore’s role

Project Restore does not investigate or place judgement on what has happened. Our role is to support those involved to come together to have a conversation that may assist in understanding each other’s perspectives and experiences in a way that feels safe and respectful for all.

It is not uncommon for people to have different perspectives of sexual encounters. We understand this may be a difficult issue to talk about, and these circumstances are naturally a private and sensitive matter. However, we hope to be able to work towards an outcome that acknowledges everyone’s unique experiences and needs.

Frequently Asked Questions following an invitation to contact Project Restore

I’ve been sent a letter. What do I do?

The other person involved in the experience wants to meet and discuss with you what has happened and how they are feeling about it. If you are open to having a discussion, then simply call the number of the Specialist listed in the letter. This does not mean that you are agreeing to engage in the process, but simply that you are open to starting a conversation and finding out what it may entail. You may withdraw from the process at any juncture. 

What if I don’t believe I have done anything wrong?

The person who feels harmed by what happened has asked for help to talk with you. It is not something you have to do; it is a voluntary process for both parties. We know that when people feel they have been accused of something it can be difficult hearing other people’s perspectives. We are not here to judge or make assumptions. We hope to create a safe space where both parties can share their experience and understand the impacts of what happened in a facilitated conversation. If, after this conversation you still feel that you have not caused any harm, then we cannot proceed through a restorative justice process.

How is a Community Referral different?

With a court or police referral one person has plead guilty to the harm as it has been stated by a Survivor and there are criminal charges. The court then refers the case to Project Restore to allow the person harmed to have a voice in how they move forward from there. 

Our Community Referrals sit outside of the police or court process. There is no guilty plea and the person who feels harmed would like to work with the other party to help them understand what happened and why and discuss any impacts this may have had. Often the two stories will be quite different and having a facilitated conversation helps both parties work together to make sure that any behaviours that led to this discussion aren’t repeated. If there isn’t any acknowledgement of harm, we would not be able to proceed. 

It may be initiated from a person who realises they have caused harm; they wish to make amends and be accountable to the person they harmed. These cases have a slightly different process that a Specialist would talk to you about to ensure that the survivor is not negatively impacted. 

What protections are there for me if the other person, then decides to report to the police?

The Specialist that you speak with would go over any legal rights or considerations that you might need and recommend that you seek legal advice regarding your specific situation from the outset so that you can make informed choices about your participation. Project Restore would not release information about what is discussed without your permission or unless ordered by a court of law.

What is required of me to participate?

An openness to hearing and acknowledging the other person’s perspective and a genuine willingness to work with our team in an honest and authentic way. 

What does the process look like?

If you are interested in learning more, the next step is to contact Project Restore to arrange a time to meet and speak with one of our specialists and then arrange an initial meeting for a confidential conversation. This meeting is a chance to learn more about the restorative process, how we work and the needs and hopes of the other person. After this meeting (and throughout the process), you can then decide if you want to continue. 

How do I know this will be kept confidential?

Your privacy will be respected, and the details of the initial meeting will not be shared with the person who initiated the referral or anyone else outside of the agency. We can talk through any specific privacy questions during the initial meeting. You can view our privacy policy here. 

What support is available for me?

We understand that these things can be difficult, and it is a sensitive topic to talk about. It is important to us that everyone is well supported throughout the process. If, after speaking to a Specialist on the phone, you decide to proceed with the restorative process, you are welcome and strongly encouraged to bring a support person to the initial meeting. Each participant is also supported by their respective Specialist Project Restore staff member and it is the Facilitator’s role to ensure it is fair and safe for everyone. You would have your own Specialist who is there to guide you through the process and help you understand the other person’s perspective, the impacts your behaviour might have had on them and what you feel you can do about that. In order to proceed to a conference, you will have to have a support person. This person is someone who helps support you throughout the conference and to be accountable to any outcomes you might agree to. We can’t go ahead to conference without a support person. 

Other confidential and 24/7 support services are also available through, Safe to Talk and Need to Talk. We can also make referrals to counselling if that is something you feel might be right for you. 

The Restorative process is completely voluntary, and you can leave the process at any time.